due to

well i never thought i'd be back here.

back to the place where it seems that i'm talking to you, but i'm not,

you'll understand.

huh. i really2 thought i'd be over with this blog.

:) smile?

Ain't nothing like a good 'ol rest

therefore ill refrain myself from writing right now..

resting mood go!

Why my blog ain't updated

wordle

I'm at it again

"busy" comes with inverted comas

an overdue post i must say..

when was the last time  i posted anything.. i just can't remember, and frankly i wont bother checking.. you can check for me.. look at the last post will ya. okay done with that.

well i'm really at it again.. 

this is not about writing blogs.. although it can be considered a two birds one stone thingy.. actually i'm here just to rant about this habit of mine..

the habit of not answering/ avoiding/ don't give a damn/ ignoring/ silencing my phone so that i dont have to entertain any messages and calls.. i can hear you calling, i read your messages, i read mails, but i dont even give second a thought about giving any respons..

why? 

no spesific answer, a plain "i dont want to" would suffice in justifying the 'why'. and guilt doesn't even play a role in encouraging me to pick up, let alone reply or call you back. 

would i want others to do it to me?... nope. 

as for now... let it be, and it'll be...

me,

for now

Nothingswro....

Muka Surat..

Muka surat ini telah lama tidak diupdate..

ini adalah kerana pihak pengarang tiada apa-apa untuk ditulis..

maka setelah tiada apa-apa untuk ditulis, muka surat ini pon tidaklah diupdate..

harap semua pihak dapat maklum..

:muke senyum:

absence

hey ihsan!

tulis laa bende2 berfaedah sikit!..

ye laa nanti aku tulis..

nanti?.. nanti bila lagi.. kau ni mesti ada nanti je.. sekarang tak boleh..

emm.. ye laa sekarang aku pikir, nanti aku tulis ok?..

hish kau ni... ye laa... banyak pulak dengan nanti die ni..

*sengih*

(Ihsan talking to himself)

Just to get by

wohooo so long ah you don't update!

yeah well, there ain't nothing worth sharing,
but to be frank, its because i no longer have the urge to write,

people say to start things is the hardest,
i agree.
so lets hope this is a catalyst of more things to come.

thats all.
and yeah.. this is just to get by,
just to say that i've updated.
and to keep my word to bosan
that i'll update by the end of the week.
today that is.

bye

Remedy at my feet

can't really write today..
not enough energy in my fingers to type my mind..
maybe because of the brain-finger barrier thats preventing me typing..
i usually type in various moods..
whether it be happy or sad or somewhere in between..
but right now its rather different..

but the good thing is..
its almost time..
its almost 6 o'clock..
i can let myself free..
free on the field..
just kicking a freaking ball.. chasing after it.. falling down.. getting back up again.. and kick the damn ball again..
i can forget everything.. i can choose not to think.. i can choose not to remember..
i can just be a maniac on the ffing field..
and thats about it.. (me hoping that it wont rain)

ooo... and one more thing..
saw on the telly.. on the show 'bersama dato"
Dato' Fadhilah kamsah said that the average of marah is only around 4-5 minutes.
i think thats rather true..
but he should have also mentioned how long other emotions would go..
hmm i wonder how long it'll be..

EDIT: (7.30pm) it didn't work ~ maybe the field wasn't green enough

Does this count as a post?

i'm always there to help

got it of Deviant Arts

Target locked

i've just revealed the secret location of my hide out.. what have i done!?

Must read!

i must read.. i must start reading more often... i have to start digesting books.. if i ever want to catch up to my peers in class.. but i have this attention problem.. can't read for long periods of time.. just can't read anything without being distracted by myself in my mind.. all i ever do is wonder around in my own bubble of thoughts.. getting lost in the process.. and then trying to find where was the last word that i read.. then carry on reading.. and it happens again... oh crap... where was it.. its a big problem when you continually distract yourself... just can't cram anything in my head..

and i have to master all these.. preferably earlier than late.. before other subjects starts popping up.. must read.. must read..

Gout
Ischaemic Heart Disease
Epilepsy
Asthma
COPD
Pnemonia
Osteoathritis
Rhematoid Athritis

plus other stuff too.. read ihsan read..

Another useless post

i think today was the first time i walked to my faculty from my college in kampung baru.. kolej tun syed nasir 6.. wasn't being myself really.. class starts at 2.. still had a few minutes to 2 o'clock. and its pouring.. its raining.. one of those cats and dogs rain..

if i was myself i would have waited for the rain to subside.. clear up a little.. then start my motobike and head to class..

but today was different.. i decided to leg it. i usually have one of these weird days.. where i decide to do things out of the norm..

so theres me.. out walking.. all alone.. under an umbrella.. in the pouring rain.. rather romantic except the fact that i was alone.. *grin*.. but the thing is.. i got to class all sweating.. even in the rain.. so in the end i'm still all wet, but not from rain.. from sweat.. kind of defeated the purpose in the first place laa kan..

yup... another useless post.. lalala~

Back and running

i'm back..
been away from the blog for a couple of days..
had a hectic weekend..
2 days full of stuff..
plus some extra activities to complete the weekend..
and i'm not gonna talk about any of that..
i'm just back and running.

and the main reason for that is because of a minute small transformation of this...

into this..

a small change to make a big difference.

now i'm back and running.. back playing football.. after been away for 4 days i think.. i used the tape for fixing pipes.. you know the ones that prevent leakages at the joints... and its rather robust.. rather proud of my self.. hehehe.. i even coloured it in.. the tape's red, so i coloured it in black.. just a lil' bit though...

been rather poorly this last couple of days.. (tu pon nak bagi tau... ngade betul ihsan ni). i guess riding your bike at 6 in the evening with heavy rain pouring.. from bangi to kampung baru can get its toll on you.. tu laa mak dah pesan jangan main hujan... kan dah demam..

thats why i had to play football tadi.. nak hilang kan demam.. or so i thought!.. well, didn't feel a damn thing while on the field.. fit as ever.. but once the game finished, all hell broke lose.. the headache came back.. the sore throat.. the runny nose.. the cough.. lets just hope after a nice long sleep, it'll go away.. and i'll pop a couple of pills too.. just for the sake of pharmacy..

hate writing long posts... see ya tomorrow.. i hope..

Week Two Pharmacy/4 timetable

Monday 7/1/2008

8-9 Fk4 Drugs in Pregnancy (AMR)
9-10 Fk4 Drugs in Lactation (AMR)
10-11 AF Introduction (PTT)
11-12 Fk5 Kesakitan (MMB)

Tuesday 8/1/2008

8-10 Fk4 Ischaemic heart Disease (RH)
10-11 AF Benefits of PE (PTT)
11-12 Fk5 Epilepsy (MMB)
2-3 Fk4 Asthma (MSO)
2-4 Fk4 COPD (MSO)
4-5 Fk5 Tropical Diseases (MSO)

Wednesday 9/1/2008

9-10 Fk5 Pneumonia (AFS)
10-11 Fk5 Osteoathritis & RA (EMH)
11-12 AF Types of PE analysis (PTT)
2-3 MAK Body composition & Antropometry (JPD)
3-4 MAK Balanced Diet, RDA & Food piramid (JPD)

Thursday 10/1/2008

Awal Muharram

Friday 10/1/2008

No class whatsoever!

Revamped!

The new look! my pc is all nice and tidy now.. kemas! for now anyway.. dunno how long it'll last.. the extra empty space is a nice welcome.. i can mess it up with other stuff later..

Here's the new look.. tidy!

and here's the old look at its finest hour.

me always tidy! wakaka tipu

Mishaps

been thinking of what to write today.. couldn't think of anything earlier in the day.. so i postponed to now, which is around 8 at night..
and it turned out i still don't have anything worthwhile to write about..
so i'm gonna talk about my specs..

my specs?.. my glasses... why would i want to talk about my glasses.. (apa laa ihsan ni).

well its because it finally came to age. it finally served its final purpose.. it finally gets broken..

yup.. it snap.. the tangkai has snapped.. it snapped masa main bola tadi. good thing i brought two specs to the field.. so i could still carry on playing..

but the thing is the spec didn't only snapped.. it managed to leave a gash on my face as its final farewell.. a whooping 2.3cm of gash under my right eye.. ( yup! i measured using a ruler). and looks like its gonna stay there for a while.. dah macam budak jahat laa pulak.. huhuhu!

and nope i ain't sad.. but i do have to buy another spectacle though *sigh*

2008 is nothing

i live for today..
yesterday is history..
tomorrow is the future..
2008 doesn't change any of that..
as long my today is better than my yesterday.. then i'm moving in the right direction..
resolutions are on a daily basis..
2008 doesn't mark anything..
its just another day

Tandas yang best - ihsan jakun

one of my many trips JB-KL KL-JB, i happen to stop by this petronas.. don't know where, but its along PLUS on the way to JB.. i must say that this is one of the best toilet that i've been to! it had a few nice touches.. that really caught my eye.. and caught my camera too..

so theres this waterfall outside.. a nice touch laa.. mana ada tandas lain ada camni..

and then inside ada sinki yang cun..

and inside the toilet theres this.. i really had to take a picture of it.. kat tmpt pam air ada tong sampah siot... jakun giler... smart siot sape yang design..

and my favourite part of all.. is this dust bin.. theres this aditional 'tembok' around the dust bin.. and i think this is one of the most ingenious design of all.. i think that this will overcome the problem of those people yang suke buang sampah keliling tong sampah... dont ya think!.. hebat

Back in KL

why! where are the updates..

been too lazy lately.. really lazy.. lazy of updating anything in this blog. why is that so?.. hmm i find that question hard to answer.. because i'm not sure myself...
but its maybe... maybe because i usually use this blog to express myself in an 'emo' way... (yeah right, my way laa) i try to tell others about my self without giving anything away, well not too much anyway.. well lately there ain't really anything thats really bothering me. nothing really bothering me that i have to really write about.. yeah.. maybe because of that laa no updates..

other than that.. had a great holiday..
went to many places..
caught up with with many friends..
went to many wedding ceremonies..
played futsal alot..
never really stayed at home..
and i didn't really play any games..
well apart from, chronicles of the riddick, Fifa 08, Pes 08, and Fm 08..
thats about it.

and other than that...
Man Utd lost..
Got involved in an accident today..
Changed my pc setup.. really nice and tidy now..

and to cap it all..
me hoping that I'll update more often..
special shoutout to zaid.. bout your cd.. your not getting it.. (i'll try n keep my promises next time, but your brother said you're getting one from him, so thats nice)
and lastly.. i don't wanna think about AGM Alumni!!! warrgghh

damn

You're telling everybody, so do it proper

Yes I understand what you're saying, but...

Tempat: Rahsia

More Pictures

There's an ipod and an iphone now there's imale!
great for all those calls of nature

Location: Tandas near masjid genting highlands

Err Where am I supposed to go?

takde tangga pon.
Location: same as above

my problem my solution

i've been straying too far from the path that i know is right. i should have known better.

On the down

I've been feeling on the low lately. i was happy for a short while. i thought that i was happy. but suppressing your feelings for such a long time tends to get to you. people say that you mustn't keep all your feelings inside of you. because you'll just crack. well i'm about to crack. but i'm not being humpty dumpty yet. i'm still holding it inside of me. still managing. still trying to cope. but for how long. but since that i know that there's no use me screaming out the insides of mine. because what i want is what i'm not going to get. what i really want to say cannot possibly come out right. and the consequences, i'm sure they're all bad. the more i think about it the more confused i get. the more i see the way out, the further away i stray from it. the more i see the conclusion the more i choose to not know it. People see me being troubled, i want people to see me troubled. yet i don't want them to know what's troubling me. they can have guesses, they can think all they like, they can have second guesses, they can think that they know, but i'm still not gonna acknowledge that they're right. am i in need of help? is this an ego? no it can't possibly be. its just me being scared. i don't want anything to change, i want it to stay as it is. or do i? what is it that i want?. i want..

Shame on you

Location: Petronas Kampung Baru

Read as if you wrote it

...i just wanna be a better muslim.......huh....If I accuse time of being fast, then I'm hopeless..a hopeless, unthankful, self-minded person. Who do I think holds position of time? Allah of course..i've known that since school. But why am I still muttering? Has time gone too fast for me? Has responsibilities burdened me so much till I can't get a hold of myself?
Who am I actually to question all these? Am I a good muslim?
I have found islam..yes! through heritage..so I still need to find the meaning of being a muslim. Not any ordinary muslim who entitles the 'way of live' through their Identification Card. I want to be a muslim who obligates himself to Allah, who bows over His orders and keep distance of His forbidden acts. Ones during the sahabats, tabi' tabiin..those who incline themselves to islam and devote live in bringing islam.
I've known Aqidah, faith..i now Allah exists..but why am I still taking things for granted?
Allah has shown me the path. It's up to me to follow, my heart. It has been a long time since the heart cried. Why? Smash that ego-ness of mine..damn with it. I want to change, I want to be a better muslim. It's not I want anymore..it'll be I will after this..not after, but now! NOW I will be a better muslim.
Heart, cry..cry all you can..before you can't cry no more. Cry for all the sins, cry for all the time wasted, cry for your little help you've handed to the need ones, cry for what you haven't done for the ummah, cry with all you have.. so that ego of mine leaves..
Muttering?-I have a long way to go on this noble path
Time, too fast?-every one is rushing, why am I still dreaming..
Responsibilities a burden?-a friend said "as muslims, responsibilities in dakwah is not the reason to blame lack of time..it's your obligation.." and I'll take that for an answer..
...am i a better muslim????...

taken from ahmad

apsal laa aku terjebak ngan bende sengal ni

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Hey there

don't know what to post

exam = hafal

I'm supposed to study right now. my exams starts at 12 o'clock. so i'm supposed to have a last minute glance at my notes. stuff that i think will come out. but i'm not doing that. why?.. because this is yet another exam where your supposed to memorise everything and pour it out onto the exam papers. its just is not sufficient to know and understand what was thought. you have to memorise it. word by word if you must. and i refuse to do that. they say that exams are to test your understandings of certain subjects. well they're right in a way. but most of the exams are not like that. its just a test of how well some people can memorise certain stuff. no wonder the graduates nowadays are not up to standard. it must be he education that they're getting plus other factors too (of course laa otherwise the ministry of education will get at me). so all the best to me. the guy who knows that he's gonna have trouble in the exams coming up. but hopes for the best. hope that answers suddenly appears in his head. it's there anyway. but to find it is terrifyingly hard. and to pen it is also a nightmare.

This fella

its hard dealing with unpredictable people. you have good intentions to achieve great stuff. you feel that you can work well together. to have fun together. everything is going along well. until that person just snaps up and changes in a jiffy. a total 180 degree turn for no reason that you can think of. from being a cheerful character to a frowning fella who goes silent and oblivious to those around. you start to wonder what was beneath all those smiles plastered on the fella's face beforehand. was it concealing a build up of some kind of hatred for all mankind. or was it something you did wrong. you'll certainly never find the answer to that. a happy scene turns gloomy at the sight of a frowning face which intends to just strike anger in everybody. it makes you feel doubtful whether you can work with this person again let alone put trust in that fella. everything you throw at the fella is unanswered. questions, greetings, smiles, the odd glance and stare gets you nothing. zilch. you feel lost. unable to do anything. unable to do nothing. oh why has it got to be like this.

well i've been this fella lately. and i'm so sorry to you guys for that. so sorry.

study-time off-study again

what i should be doing: Study for tomorrow's exam. exam's at 12.00PM. paper on clinical stuff. covers mostly cancer treatment, Total parenteral nutrition and basic clinical practice.

what i'm actually doing: Study! well a bit of studying is still study. other than that i walk around a lot. walking to and fro in my room, to other people's rooms. generally bugging people. talking rubbish. then come back to my room sit in front of the my PC with the intention of studying some more. but instead started surfing the net. while my headphones' playing plain white T's new album, Every Second Count. did a little bit of chatting on YM. and my jug of coffee is almost finished now. drank a jug of coffee, my caffeine level must be really high right now. not healthy at all!.

what i should be thinking of right now: i should start going through my notes again.

what i'm actually thinking: i'm actually thinking of the moment when i really started learning english. about the guy who thought me english, even though i couldn't understand him and he surely don't understand malay. being in a foreign country, in a new school with new mates soon didn't present a problem as i started mastering english thanks to that guy. the guy who i already forgot his name. thanks anyway.

okay got to get back to studying again!. good luck to me! and those who have to put up with exams.

Yipee yaya yea

yipee. just finished World in Conflict! after installing it the day i posted the previous post. i must say, its a damn good game. nice story and graphics. easy to play and addictive. now i can finally put the game to rest. can relax a bit. especially with my first paper on the 30th. i'm actually thinking of rehating from playing games. but the thing is something else came along. and it bugging me a lot. well its gonna bug me a lot if i install it. its another game! its Football Manager 2008. and i must say that this game is the most addictive game ever. ever. ever. those who like it will love it. those who hate it will loath it. hmm should i install it?... i should

its gaming time -again

oh no!. i'm back in the business again. i'm starting playing games again. and the timing is just perfect. right in my study week. the final exams looming but there are still games worth playing.i finished half-life 2: portal in one sitting a few days ago. and yesterday finished medal of honor airborne which i started on the 22nd (after uninstalling portal~not enough disk space, damn! [Portal=5.++ Gb, M.O.H=7.++ Gb]). finished for the second time. and not forgetting finishing S.T.A.L.K.E.R before starting portal.

now i'm pondering whether to install BIOSHOCK or World in Conflict.

internet's not fun, blogging's worse

i've made an extremely amazing discovery. i just realised. all by myself. that internet is so boring and it gives me no pleasure at all. apart from that it restricts me from doing real stuff that i want to do. internet is not fun at all. yet i'm on the internet almost 24/7. almost all the time. or i'll just be idle. i'm here, you just don't realise it. in fact i think i check the internet more than i check my handphone if there's any messages or miscalls. but still, internet is not fun.
i'm only on the internet because other people are on it. internet is not fun. but people are. i oly write blogs so that people read and comment. i only have a friendster account so i can keep in touch with people.i only have a YM so that i save money rather than smsing people. i only read football updates so that i know about people who play football. i only play fantasy football so that i can compete with people. i only watch youtube so that i can watch what other people do.
so internet is boring for me.

The Portal Song

Finished portal in one sitting huhuhu
~listen to the song!~

~Lyrics~
This Was A Triumph
I'm Making A Note Here:
HUGE SUCCESS
It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no sense crying
over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are
Still Alive

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data
make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLAD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are
still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else
to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa. . .
THAT WAS A JOKE. HAHA FAT CHANCE.
Anyway. this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
When Theres Science to do.
When I look out there,
it makes me GLAD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.

And believe me I am still alive.

I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.

T feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.

While you're dying I'll be still.

And when you're dead I will be still alive.

STILL ALIVE

where have the posts gone?

if you really need to know, it's my desk

been really busy with thesis. so i stopped posting for a few a days. still busy actually. took my time off to send this post so you'll know that I'm still here. that's my desk while doing thesis. and to help you understand more I've labeled it:

1. my submitted draft thesis, came back to me with tons of red pen markings
2. the monitor, on the screen now is laman DBP. Handy for translating scientific words. used it a lot
3. senior's thesis, as a rujukan, not for tiruan
4. some reference books of stuff to put in the thesis
5. headphones! some music to spice up work
6. cawan to quench thirst and addiction
7. kerepek, eat to do better work
8. sugar, to keep my blood sugar high! more energy for thesis
9. addicted to caffeines, it's indocafe (dalam laci ada kopi-O)
10. tissue for the mess
11. Buku Gaya UKM purposely designed to make life a misery
    
12. My PC in its normal state. always open and naked
    
13. Laci di buka for the extra space, plus for hand rest

now back to my thesis, almost done actually, it better well be, because its to be submitted on the 10th oct, thats tomorrow! hua hua hua.

Just a little while longer please

I damn hate it when i have to wait for people. you're in a rush. but you're stagnant, not doing anything. why? because you have to wait for somebody. or lots of bodies for that matter. an instance would be say, going to class. me with my bike. all rearing to go. got out of the parking space. engine's warmed up. press minyak a little more. rev some more. look at the time. and there's 5 more minutes for class. remembered that it's that lecturer. the lecturer who dislikes people who come late. its either you come on time or don't come at all. i have to hurry. i have to get on time. but i can't go. can't go because my passenger's not here yet. how am i suppose to tolerate that. geram but kept it to myself. and when the passenger finally comes. got on the bike. me without saying a word. just jalan. press the minyak a bit more than usual. faster than normal. swerve in and out of cars, lorries. neglecting brakes. in hope that the passenger understands. got to class. not on time. but the lecture hasn't started. got in. sat down. lecture is now starting. but now i'm not in the mood of studying. damn. habis lecture balik bilik. ponteng the next class. balik on my own. without any passenger. got to my room and slept. woke up and felt a little better. my hate pon hilang.

but no matter how i hate waiting for people. i hate making people wait even more.

Mommy look at what i've done

i really like this one

making the mark permanent

Stomach Ulcer

painter: the painting
(click picture for a better view)

Its all in the hand

a new finger is about to grow

Hail the Counter Strike master. salute the Call of Duty invincible. respect the Battlefield general. for he is here. no guys i'm not talking about myself (lie!). its just this guy that i know so well. who is damn good at games. who is always challenged by minors. and who always turns out victorious. except for moments of humbleness where that guy purposely buat2 kalah. upon remembering his great sifoo's (who he surpasses) advice to let others have a chance too. so that nobody goes home with a muka monyok. well i know that guy's secret arsenal. its all in his hands. his lightning reflexes are due to his anatomical advantages. as you can see in the picture above. he has got a superior advantage above all his challengers. he's got an abnormal pivot in his hands. the protruding bone is so well placed that it enables him to make split second movements to fire the ever vital finishing bullet. the killing blow. before anyone realises whats happening, they're dead. the extra edge is likely to stay permanent on the hand of this guy. even after he retires from this gaming business. as a reminder of the legacy that he holds. the hand that conquered all. the hand that holds true power. the hand capable herculean tasks. the hand that controls the mouse.

Moto + cycle + heavy + Rain = da very dangerous

loaned my bike to the hot-headed guy

just got to include this entry quick. its almost my deadline. its almost twelve already. i want to stress here that bikes do not go along well with rain. don't get me wrong. i ride safe. very safe. safer than that old pakcik who rides with his rather besar wife. but i did ram another side mirror during that rainy day. yesterday in fact. yes riding in the rain is very dangerous. i try to avoid it if i can. tapi after hours of class and lectures in HUKM i just had to get back. So, redah je lah. what else am i supposed to do. i already waited for around 45 minutes. the journey is only about 20 minutes i think. and no i didn't get into any accident. i'm perfectly fine. the thing is. when you ride in the rain. everything seems to go into your mouth. especially the rain. so me being puasa and all its very dangerous maa. i could have swallowed a cup full of rain. could have quenched my thirst if i really wanted to. and its hard riding with your lips totally shut you know. especially being me who sengih all the time. so the rain just keeps coming in. and i had to keep on spitting it out (and i don't like spitting in public - except for when playing soccer on the field). but it was either i spit it out or just telan. i chose the former. wise of me eh. anyway for those who do not want to puasa just ride a bike in the rain. but don't tell anyone i told you this okay!

Gifts galore

i prefer mine unwrapped

oooh if only i get more gifts. free gifts. personal gifts. gifts from anyone. but i seldom do get gifts. probably because i don't give out gifts that much. and on the occasion that i do give gifts, i don't get anything in return (mengungkit). surprises are nice too. but i think plain gifts are better. even more so if i know what i'm gonna get already. any gifts will do for me. belanja makan pon ok. belanja makan and minum is even better. what do i have to do to get more gifts (fluffy toys would be nice-if anyone's thinking of getting me something). hmm, ryuuji said that i should get more girly frens, because they like to give presents. well mana tak ada pon. i'll just have to wait. but i hate waiting. hmm i think i'm just gonna ask for some presents la. please.. pretty please.. and who thought of the idea of giving presents during birthdays? i hate him! (or her!) because now i don't get presents any other day. sigh. oh actually this post is a reminder to all of you that now its the last 10 ramadhan. theres a big gift waiting for you. only if you want to take it that is. you can have whatever you want. you just have to ask for it. be sure not to lose this opportunity. it only comes once a year. lets hope me and you get it okay.

The food's not touching my tastebuds

my favorite = garfield's favorite

i'm full. but boy am i peckish. its usually the case of late. i eat and can't cram any more in. but i'm still hungry. well i wouldn't say hungry per say. peckish is the correct and appropriate word for my situation. i crave for something that i don't know what. the food nowadays are no longer up to par. especially during this month. where all the gerais just make food as they please, not how the customers would like it. well thats one reason that i see fit for me. another reason would be that i'm trying to make my self fatter (hope not) without realising it. well, i eat a lot but the hunger and cravings are still there. so too much food equals to too much fat right. that could also be the case la. or its probably because this tendency to crave food comes with age. because the older men grow the bigger their tummy getkan. its because they eat and sleep alot. (yes! not all men). and talking about eating and sleeping, people do it quite a lot during ramadhan kan. another reason for me being peckish could be because of the saying makan tak kenyang, mandi tak basah, tidur tak lena kot. which i must say is true because of things that happen which i couldn't get over with. especially recently. quite recently. well a few days back. hmm almost a month i think. so here's me writing about being hungry because its still not time to bukak puasa yet. i need to eat. but i don't know what to eat.

love of last minute

the clock's ticking according to my wishes

been working last minutes for the past few weeks now. didn't intend to. it just happens. my reports, lab work, assignments, thesis are all being done last minute. as i said i didn't intend to. its as if i have more ideas of what to put in. its as if i'm supposed to work late. it gives me encouragements. probably because of the motivation of time. yeah i had ample time to do all the stuff thats supposed to be done. its just that i didn't do it. i wouldn't count my self as lazy. i see myself as some one who works best at certain times and works better at other times. i love datelines or is it deadlines. can't work without them. can't work too far from them either.

right now i'm enjoying finishing of my thesis with whatever time i have left. little time. but enough time.

Intuition gasconade

i have special powers. i have powers that others envy. yeah that includes you. you envy me. you wish you had super powers. better that my special powers. i kind of notice all this power within me since quite a long time ago. ages in fact. its just that then i didn't have a blog to boast about it. actually i have several powers that i posses. that others might also posses (doubt it). these powers are not for show, so i'll only tell you. and not show you. and by the way i can't fly.

here's the big reveal.
first, i have the power of intuition (kind of serap this power from Mujahid-if you know him lah) i can tell stuff thats about to happen.
second, i can read people's faces. and sort of guess their condition, background and future
third, i can make babies stare at me, smile and forget about everything else.
fourth, its only three i think. hmm
and my fifth (thanks to umayr's reminder) is that if i go to a shop, any shop then that kedai will suddenly get more customers coming in. as if i'm a pembawa tuah or something to that shop. people would flock in by the numbers without realising that its me drawing them in. some power eh.

well, its been fun writing this post. and its the truth, although the intuition thingy is deteriorating a little bit. i guess i must serap some more powers from mujahid.

Pinnacle of fear

langkawi: view from the bridge thingy

i have to confess i have a fear of going to high places. whenever i get to a really high rise or building i get this funny feeling in my abdominal region. its like a curse haunting me, stalking, creeping, making its last move for the kill.

3 or 4 floors of any open building is enough to make me lose my mind. its when i can see the floor from high above from any place. its always the same feeling that gets to me. i'm worried for myself

i need help.

i don't even know what this phobia is.

i need help.

i'm not afraid of heights

no, you heard me right i'm not afraid of heights. what I'm afraid of is me being in a high place. because every time i look down i feel that i want to jump. NO, i need to jump. i need to jump. i need to fall. its what i'm supposed to do. i'm not afraid of heights. in fact i don't fear heights at all. its nothing and i have to try. try to fall.

i'm afraid of myself. i'm afraid of what i'll do.
what am i supposed to do?

ihsan wouldn't make a good actor

i'm lousy at acting for several reasons that i can think of for now.

1. i can't keep a straight face
2. i must smile all the time
3. i burst into laughter for the smallest incidents
4. i'm damn straight
5. i dont know how to be somebody apart from myself
6. i can't lie
7. i have a short attention span
   
8. i can't memorise scripts
9. i'm not photogenic
10. i have a sengau voice
11. i don't like to be directed
12. idon't have acting talents
13. i don't like the life of celebs
    

i'll add some more later, if i find any reason to, or if i get suggestions from you guys

Craving for answers

Its not either yes or no. its something in between. its something that i think is best. its something that is better than all the options available. but its something that i cannot choose. why is it just yes or no?... how am i supposed to give the answer.

i've got the answer in me. i want to show that i know the answer. but it just wouldn't come out. it just can't. it'll only makes matters worse... how am i supposed to give the answer.

stop giving me riddles. stop beating around the same bush. stop using fancy clues. start getting to the point. start making your self clear... how am i supposed to give the answer.

tell me the whole question. tell me the whole story. tell me the whole plot behind behind your cloaked agenda. the me why you need to know all this... how am i supposed to give the answer.

what if i have questions. what if i need to ask you first. what if you refuse. what if you decide on lying again... how am i supposed to give the answer.
























Answers exists?

Laughter of Sobs

Laughing and crying at the same time. no its not weird. people do it all the time. what? you don't?. well you're one of a kind then.
you laugh when you're happy. and you cry when you're sad. you do both when. yeah. when?
in my case it has to be in searching back into my mind for memories that brings both joy and tears. its where you remember that you shouldn't have engaged in such actions which is terribly wrong that makes you feel depressed. then you laugh at your self for acting they way you did, usually out of pure animal instinct.
if you happen to be feeling the same, well your one step to the right direction. you realise that you did something wrong. and you try and redress yourself.

well now my sobs are drying away, and my laughter are becoming lauder. i finally managed to get free. free from the past that could haunt me. again.













i have to get out of here. so that i can tell others not to go here. nobody else will suffer

i'm here but i'm not

Its funny ain't it when you try to get somebody but you never do. well, sometimes dapat laa. i mean literally, you want to meet somebody but didn't get the chance. you want to call tapi tak angkat-angkat. you set an appointment but the date just pass by like that.
its sometimes deliberate and sometimes accidental. but both ways it frustrates you.
it usually means its just not your day. or you're the unluckiest person there ever is. it could also mean the person is not in the mood. or just happens to be sleeping.
for me its usually accidental.
usually, but now i'm being deliberate.



i never go anywhere without my glasses. if its here that means i'm here.
or does it?

life's anomalies

Deviation from the normal or common order or form or rule
wow, I've been an anomaly all my life.
and waah so many anomalies in my life.
its great being an anomaly and having anomalies in my life. its rather fun not being common in place others find solace in. its rather entertaining being the different kind. its rather satisfying being an alien in a notional world of others.
its not hard to be an anomaly. it just happens. being called an anarchy even though trying hard to uphold the law let alone trying to obey it, comes second nature to me. its pleasing to know that people fear anomalies for what they don't know.
realise that anomalies do have a place where they belong. a domicile. but crossing the boundary is much more, me.